Simon

Character Information

Background information about Simon can be found here.

Quotes

“I’m trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It’s just not coming.”

“Now River, stay behind the others. If there’s fighting, you drop to the floor and run away.” (stage whispers) “It’s okay to leave them to die.”

“I’m very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.”

“Mmm, yes. Seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers.”

“I can’t keep track of her when she’s not incorporeally possessing a spaceship — don’t look at me.”

“I— I reattached a girl’s leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.”

“To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.”

“It’s fun, being forced to the ass-end of the galaxy. To get to live on a piece of luh-suh wreck. And we eat molded protein! And be bullied around by our pyen juh duh jiou chao ren of a captain. That’s fun.”

“So, finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I’m sorry.”

“My God. You’re like a trained ape… without the training!”

“But, I am thinking of growing a big black mustache. I’m a traditionalist.”

“This may come as a shock, but I’m actually… not very good at talking to girls.”